The sweet scent of the narcissus plant wafts upstairs to me just like the lingering memory of my uphill neighbors, an always upbeat Irish couple in their early eighties. Stopping off on their daily walk, they knocked on my door early this morning to deliver the plant, their holiday gift, knowing I would be up and writing. When I first moved to Sausalito I sent an invitation in a package of
filbert and raspberry cookies (Mom’s Oregon recipe) to about 30 of my closest neighbors. I asked them to drop by for a brief “neighborhood safety” talk from Alicia, our local policewoman. And, of course, coffee, wine and homemade deserts.
One minute it’s quiet. Then, to my surprise, everyone turned up. Three from up the hill crashed the party. Many arrived on the dot of 7:00 pm. Some recognized each other but didn’t know names. By 7:30 the living room, dining room and kitchen were packed and noisy, then some moved out onto the deck and, later, to the front yard to look down on the sparkling bay and backyard on my neglected garden.
How fascinating to find that night that within minutes of my home lived a retired FBI agent, an eco-lodge designer, a fisherman and a hedge fund manager. I had to bang on a kettle to quiet the crowd down so Alicia could give her short talk.
That began a tradition, over the years, of casual, round robin get-togethers at each other’s homes, a shared email and phone list and the habit of referring good plumbers, tree trimmers (a big deal with views at stake) and other trusted services. Now, years later, there are over 300 neighbors (and Alicia and the city manager) on our private google group list. Yet, without discussing it, we’ve tacitly agreed that we don’t use it to promote our businesses or to endorse local candidates.
It is not just the fragrance of the narcissus plant that makes me smile this holiday morning but the synchronicity in opening an email to right after I hugged my Irish neighbors goodbye.
It turns out that:
• When one person is happy, the effect is felt up to three degrees away. Your happiness is connected to the happiness of your friends, their friends’ friends, and their friends’ friends’ friends
• Your friendship with people who are often happy boosts your happiness – and that of people around you.
• Each additional happy friend you have increases your probability of being happy by about 9%.
• Happiness is more viral than unhappiness. Encountering people who feel happy is more uplifting and spreads farther than being around people who are unhappy – your mood goes down less and you are less likely to transmit that down feeling to others you encounter.
• People at the center of a social network tend to be happier than others in their group or the situation. At that holiday party, the person who is enjoying conversations with many people feels more upbeat than those who are talking with fewer people. Fowler suggests, “We think the reason why is because those in the center are more susceptible to the waves of happiness that spread throughout the network.”
• Oddly, when a person becomes happy:
– A friend living close by has a 25 percent higher chance of becoming happier themselves.
– A spouse has only an 8 percent increased chance of happiness.
– Next-door neighbors have a whopping 34 percent increased chance.
For women especially this is a vital alert (it is never too late to host a party or sparkle with others at one) during these emotion-laden holiday times. That’s because, more than men, we women ruminate about regrets, hurts and losses.
So savor each day of this holiday, spreading joy to the world, bathing in the waves of happiness that sometimes ripple back and around you, knowing your happiness may reach others you do not even know.