Kare’s Favorite Books on Connecting
It’s not the number of contacts you cultivate
but the diversity and depth
of connections that leverage your opportunity
to use best talents more often
to accomplish more
by Deborah Tannen
In her #1 bestseller You Just Don’t Understand, Deborah Tannen showed why talking to someone of the opposite sex can be like talking to someone from another world.
Now Tannen is back with another groundbreaking book, this time widening her lens to examine the way we communicate in public–in the media, in politics, in our courtrooms, and classrooms–once again letting us see in a new way forces that have powerfully shaped our lives. The war on drugs, the battle of the sexes, political turf combat–in the argument culture, war metaphors pervade our talk and influence our thinking.
We approach anything we need to accomplish as a fight between two opposing sides. In this fascinating book, Tannen shows how deeply entrenched this cultural tendency is, the forms it takes, and how it affects us every day–sometimes in useful ways, but often causing damage. The Argument Culture is a remarkable book that will change forever the way you perceive–and communicate with–the world.
by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman
You know the feeling. You meet someone new—at a party or at work—and you just hit it off. There is an instant sense of camaraderie. In a word, you “click.”
From the bestselling authors of Sway, Click is a fascinating psychological investigation of the forces behind what makes us click with certain people, or become fully immersed in whatever activity or situation we’re involved in. From two co-workers who fall head over heels for each other while out to dinner and are married a month later (and fifteen years later remain just as in love), to a team of scientists who changed the world with the magic of their invention, these kinds of peak experiences, when our senses are completely focused on the moment, are something that individuals—and companies—strive to achieve.
After all, when you’re in the “zone,” you’re happier and more productive. Why is it that we click in certain situations and with certain people, but not with others? Can this kind of magical connection be consciously encouraged? Is there a way to create such peak experiences, whether on a date or in your job? According to Ori and Rom Brafman, there is.
by Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler
Our colleague’s husband’s sister can make you fat, even if you don’t know her. A happy neighbor has more impact on your happiness than a happy spouse. These startling revelations of how much we truly influence one another are revealed in the studies of Drs. Christakis and Fowler, which have repeatedly made front-page news nationwide. In Connected, the authors explain why emotions are contagious, how health behaviors spread, why the rich get richer, even how we find and choose our partners.
Intriguing and entertaining,Connected overturns the notion of the individual and provides a revolutionary paradigm-that social networks influence our ideas, emotions, health, relationships, behavior, politics, and much more. It will change the way we think about every aspect of our lives.
by Joe Navarro
Clues to Deceit: A Practical List is based on Joe Navarro’s work as a former FBI Special Agent and member of the FBI’s elite Behavioral Analysis Program. This is a practical guide for anyone who is interested in detecting deception, written by the author of the international bestseller, “What Every Body is Saying.”
This is an easy-to-use short guide with a list of over two hundred of the most frequently seen behaviors associated with deception. It is intended for anyone who asks questions to get at the truth or who conducts due diligence.
by Melinda Blau
Our barista, our mechanic, our coworker—they populate our days, but we often take them for granted. Yet these are the people who bring novelty and information into our lives, allow us to exercise different parts of ourselves, and open us up to new opportunities.
In their unprecedented examination of people on the periphery, psychologist Karen Fingerman, who coined the term “consequential strangers,” collaborates with journalist Melinda Blau to expand on and make her own groundbreaking research come alive.
Drawing as well from Blau’s more than two hundred interviews with specialists in psychology, sociology, marketing, and communication, the book presents compelling stories of individuals and institutions, past and present. A rich portrait of our social landscape—on and off the Internet—it presents the science of casual connection and chronicles the surprising impact that consequential strangers have on business, creativity, the work environment, our physical and mental health, and the strength of our communities.
by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler
A crucial conversation, as opposed to a casual exchange, is a discussion between two or more people about tough issues where opinions vary, stakes are high, and emotions run strong. When a topic needs to be breached that could easily lead to disaster, such as approaching a boss who is breaking his or her own safety or quality policies, or critiquing a colleague’s work, or talking to a team member who isn’t keeping commitments, talking openly is a must, but can be very difficult.
Mastering your crucial conversations can kick-start your career, strengthen your relationships, revitalize your organization and your community, and even improve your health, according to the authors of Crucial Conversations. (One study says a modest improvement in the ability to talk and connect with others corresponds to a two-thirds decrease in the death rate!)
by Robert Axelrod
The Evolution of Cooperation provides valuable insights into the age-old question of whether unforced cooperation is ever possible. Widely praised and much-discussed, this classic book explores how cooperation can emerge in a world of self-seeking egoists-whether superpowers, businesses, or individuals-when there is no central authority to police their actions.
The problem of cooperation is central to many different fields. Robert Axelrod recounts the famous computer tournaments in which the “cooperative” program Tit for Tat recorded its stunning victories, explains its application to a broad spectrum of subjects, and suggests how readers can both apply cooperative principles to their own lives and teach cooperative principles to others.
by John C. Maxwell
World-renowned leadership expert John C. Maxwell says if you want to succeed, you must learn how to connect with people. And while it may seem like some folks are just born with it, the fact is anyone can learn how to make every communication an opportunity for a powerful connection.
In Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, Maxwell shares the Five Principles and Five Practices to develop the crucial skill of connecting.
by Debra Fine
Nationally recognized communication expert Debra Fine reveals the techniques and strategies anyone can use to make small talk — in any situation.
Do you spend an abnormal amount of time hiding out in the bathroom or hanging out at the buffet table at social gatherings? Does the thought of striking up a conversation with a stranger make your stomach do flip-flops? Do you sit nervously through job interviews waiting for the other person to speak? Are you a “Nervous Ned or Nellie” when it comes to networking? Then it’s time you mastered The Fine Art of Small Talk.
by Azriel Winnett
A major key to happiness is the quality of our relationships with those who are near and dear to us, and with all those around us. Through providing you with the tools to connect effectively with others, How to Build Relationships That Stick could bring about far-reaching changes, improving your life.
Whether you aim is to save a shaky marriage (or even enhance a good one), to make new friends or improve your relationship with your old ones, you need this eye-opening book. It will help you get on better with your children, your neighbors, or your colleagues in the workplace.
by Mark Goulston
“Right now, there’s someone in your life you need to reach,” writes Mark Goulston, “but you can’t, and it’s driving you crazy. Maybe it’s somebody at work: a subordinate, a team member, a client, your boss.
Or maybe it’s somebody at home: a partner, a parent, a defiant teen, an angry ex.” If only you could get that person into a calm and receptive state of mind, you’d likely be able to work out your differences, whether they surface at the boardroom table or the dinner table. In Just Listen you’ll discover field-tested, powerful techniques for getting people to do what you want them to do. With Just Listen, the power to succeed is yours.
by Rita Carter
Multiplicity presents an entirely new view of our selves. Instead of seeing each person as a single personality, Carter argues that we all consist of multiple characters, each one with its own viewpoint, emotions and ambitions. The mother who feeds breakfast to her children, for example, has quite different concerns and opinions from the woman taking part in a boardroom discussion two hours later, and from the woman she will be with her husband that night.
Yet all three may share the same body, and none is any more “authentic” than another. Personality changes in a person are conventionally frowned upon, but Carter shows that in today’s world our ability to switch from one personality to another according to what is demanded of us is a huge strength, providing one’s personalities work together as a team rather than against each other. In addition to its groundbreaking scientific thesis, Multiplicity contains extensive exercises designed to help readers achieve this harmony.
by Howard Rheingold
Like it or not, knowing how to make use of online tools without being overloaded with too much information is an essential ingredient to personal success in the twenty-first century.
But how can we use digital media so that they make us empowered participants rather than passive receivers, grounded, well-rounded people rather than multitasking basket cases? In Net Smart, cyberculture expert Howard Rheingold shows us how to use social media intelligently, humanely, and, above all, mindfully.
by Richard H. Thaler and Cass R. Sunstein
Nudge is about choices-how we make them and how we can make better ones. Authors Richard H. Thaler and Cass R. Sunstein offer a new perspective on preventing the countless mistakes we make- including ill-advised personal investments, consumption of unhealthy foods, neglect of our natural resources, and other bad decisions.
Citing decades of cutting-edge behavioral science research, they demonstrate that sensible “choice architecture”can successfully nudge people towards the best decisions without restricting their freedom of choice. S straightforward, informative, and entertaining, this is a must-read for anyone with interest in our individual and collective well-being.