By aptly connecting in mutually beneficial ways, you have the opportunity to use your best talents and resources better to get more done with less effort and more enjoyment. Further, you can stay relevant and sought-after by becoming a Category of One, as Joe Calloway suggests.
As you optimize what you know with others, as Marci Alboher outlined in One Life/Multiple Careers, thus sometimes Reinventing You, as Dorie Clark advocates, you can keep turning the pages of your life story to new adventures.
In so doing, your mutuality mindset becomes the strengthening and continuing thread that ties your life story together.
As Good to Great author Jim Collins discovered, “Being good at something gets in the way of being great.” Ready to turn the page to the chapter of the adventure story you are truly meant to live?
Want to overcome what Charles Duhigg dubs your “automatic pilot” and flourish?
“Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism. The way you play it is free will.” —Jawaharlal Nehru
You’re most likely to make that move permanent by adopting two powerfully simple practices:
• Picture your specific and compelling reward for succeeding.
• Envision other rewards for each step of success along the way.
Here are five steps that have proved fruitful for me when I actually followed them.
1. Find Your True North to Feel More Fulfilled
Make your top goal to deepen mutually beneficial relationships that enable you to use your best talents with others who are too, on activities that reflect your most passionate interests. In this more fully fleshed out role you are truly meant to play, you can experience more meaningful, satisfying experiences with others. You have probably long felt pulled to live that kind of life. Why struggle to fit into an ought-to role for which you are not well cast?
“Our roles in life and problems we face that remain persistently insolvable should always be suspected as questions asked in the wrong way,” wrote philosopher Alan Watts in The Book: The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are. Picture your life as a movie. Then consider what recurring scenes, scripts, characters and plot lines actually enable you to flourish and which cause you to wither. Then you can focus on which ones to cut or alter and which ones to attract more often. As you do you grow into being your best, fullself, for yourself and for others.
2. Recognize Your Own Hot Buttons To See Others More Clearly
As you increase self-awareness, understanding what makes you run smoothly or not, especially your strongest hot buttons and desires, you’ll finally enable you to
• Project less onto others, see them more clearly, and ask for clarification
• Increase your ability to get glimpses of their “operating system” so you can discover sweet spots of shared interest, the path to mutuality.
Tip: The better you know yourself, the better you can see others more clearly so you can work and play with those extremely unlike you.
3. Use Your Internal Homing Device
“It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves,” wrote Sir Edmund Hillary. Look inside yourself for your “homing device” — your most powerful motivation or passionate interest that can be related to your goal. As Dr. Beverly Potter wrote in Finding a Path with a Heart: How to Go from Burnout to Bliss, “When we pay attention to our homing devices and follow their guidance, we invariably feel right about ourselves and in perfect harmony with people and activities in which we are involved in the moment.”
4. Picture Your Greater Mission And The Adventure It Will Be With Others
Afraid you’ll fail? Supplant your fear with a greater and more vivid motivation. “A vivid imagination,” wrote Aristotle, “compels the whole body to obey it.” Émille Coué wrote, “It is the imagination and not the will that is the dominating faculty of man. It is a mistake to advise people to train their wills; they should learn to control and direct their imaginations.”
Hint: Rather than talking about what you are giving up or how you might fail, reflect upon and discuss the benefits you clearly see.
5. Encircle Yourself With Mutual Support Systems
To keep your resolve, buddy up with one close friend who’s also committed to a new life chapter, and ask up to six others to give you candid feedback and support as you move into the new “movie” role of your life. The authors of Influencer found that is the only way to permanently change.
In The Healing Brain, psychologist Robert Ornstein and physician David Sobel found that “the brain’s primary purpose is not to think, but to guard the body from illness and despair. Your brain cannot do its job of protecting your body without human contact.” Seek out random encounters with people you do not know because they can be “Consequential Strangers” with whom you can practice the evolving you because they do not know how you usually act.