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Even when blindfolded, when touched just fleetingly we often recognize the emotion behind it. Even when touched by a stranger. Those touched in the study could identify the emotion (from eight, ranging from disgust to sympathy) more often than could happen by chance. Yet they were touched just five seconds.

More surprising to me, is that we are more likely to guess the right emotion that’s being expressed by someone’s touch than we can by hearing their voice or seeing their facial expression.  

These three findings may startle you too:

• Men tended to avoid touching the face “and then only to express

 anger or disgust at women and sympathy for other men.

  Women touched faces frequently to express anger, sadness and disgust for both (genders) “and to convey fear and happiness to men.”

We have a deep hunger human contact. Touch is the most direct, visceral path of contact with one another.

Yet Americans are among the most touch-adverse of all cultures, except with our closest family and friends.

In fact, increasingly schools have formal a Hands Off policy. “Even high-fiving and pats on the back have been outlawed” so we can protect youth from violence. The lesson, learned at an early age, is that adults would rather protect them from a problem (bullying and other violence) than help them with an opportunity (closeness and friendship). It’s easier to manage.

I can’t help but wonder if this cultural phobia is connected to the rise in loneliness. This is worth closer study as loneliness may be as dangerous to one’s health as smoking.  

Even smiling keeps us better connected with each other. In fact, just from looking at a yearbook photo, one can predict with some accuracy whether a person will divorce later in life,” claims Matthew Hertenstein, Director of the Touch and Emotion Lab at DePauw University.

But let’s end on an up note.

“Men soothe their loneliness with computers, women do it with pets,” says the co-author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social ConnectionJohn Cacioppo. In addition to his loneliness-relieving “make friends” tips why not literally get in touch more often every day? 

Mind you, I still get itchy just thinking about popular Leo Buscaglia’s well-intended notion that we should greet everyone with a bear hug, including strangers. (“You can’t wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug.“) Hugging everyone one meets negates the notion of touch having special meaning.

Yet why not hug your friends – and those to whom you are instinctively drawn? Shake hands with a smile when greeting colleagues.

As my Dad says, you seldom know if this time will be the last time you see that person. 

Let’s stay in touch.

moving from me to we

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