They don’t listen.
Some women are nodding as they read this and some men feel prickles of irritation.
And what do men most resent about women other than not enough, well, you know? Women try to change (“improve”) their man.
You’ve probably experienced, first hand, a related bone of contention. More than once. Women talk too much. Men, not enough.
But is it true? Perhaps not if you’re in college, according to some who disagree with a new study published in Science magazine.
“Conventional wisdom: women use 20,000 words a day, men 7,000. Come cocktail hour, hubby played out. Wife frustrated: 13,000 words to go, no takers. Bad for sex,” writes Donald G. McNeil, Jr. in a pithy, humorous piece in the New York Times.
Perhaps feeling that this finding was not based on solid research, my fellow Sausalitan, Louann Brizendine removed it from the later editions of her wildly popular book, Female Brain.
Then there’s the perception that women tend to remember more of what’s happened in past conversations with her man.
Men remember much less and don’t appreciate it, naturally, when their woman brings up their past “mistakes”, especially as part of a perceived pattern when describing a current hurt or disagreement.
That’s one reason some eventually leave.
Yet many of us believe that speaking to, not the down side of our differences, but rather the sweet spot of shared interests and positive feelings with someone who is quite different is precious opportunity for greater growth and adventure, in friendship, work and, yes, love.
If you (or someone you know) is on either side of these intimacy-breakers consider perusing How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It (now that’s a popular title).
Let’s conclude with a bit of humor from that columnist, Donald McNeil:
“Man: Study here says women talk twice as much as men.
Wife: Of course we do. We have to repeat everything we say.
Now, are you ready for turning the page to the next chapter of the adventure story you were meant to live?
Mmmm… Guess this will give me something to
Talk about on this ong drive this weekend.
… or ask questions and listen Rick 🙂
Thank you for willing to be so candid. i do agree that men and women sometimes have very different ways of thinking, speaking and that we sometimes have very different ways of making decisions and more.
1. At least if we are consistently unpredictable we are consistent in that, and I know that you are not alone in that feeling
2. I believe both sexes input motivations to the other and that does lead to hurt and conflict
3. Yes, many times we women do expect men to understand what we mean or want without explicitly saying what we want. As well, there are times when women feel they are explicit and are not heard… sometimes because they aren’t heard, and other times because the (we) are not as clear as we think we are
4. Yes, that is a frequently-cited problem and I have seen it happen.
When either sex does not feel heard or appreciated, our behavior does tend to worsen….. My goal is to focus on what can make it better for both sexes, in any kind of relationship or situation.
Because you clearly feel strongly about relationships between women and men, and you are clear about what you do not like in women’s behavior, it must be very helpful to you as you get to know women, to recognize whether you want to pursue a relationship.